Stacie Was Here

Stacie is not my real name. It is a nick name that I picked up a year or two ago. I am Stacie when I am drunk and I talk about Stacie like she and I were close friends. There is no way I would do half the things Stacie does.

Stacie was here. It even says so on the pavement outside of my friends trailer in white side-walk-chalk. Holy crap Stacie had a good time! I think she kissed a girl, in front of my husband, I also think she showed her boob. Most importantly she and I learned some valuable lessons:

1. Do not head bang after doing three tequila shots. Stacie may have enjoyed it and she may have even thought she looked good doing it. I on the other hand have had whip lash ever since. No good.

2. Don't mix many types of alcohol. If youre gonna drink tequila, drink tequila. Don't start with homemade kahulah, then take a swig of Rum Runner, then a swig of Apple Pucker, back to the Rum Runner, and oh, Tequila Rose, Rum Runner! Three rounds of lick it, slam it, suck it, then lets sprinkle some more kahulah in between all of that. And top it off with some beer. Again, no good.

3. While I may know my limits, Stacie does not. Stacie got sick in my aunt's yard. Then I got sick in R&L's yard. Then I got sick on some one else's yard. Why is it that Stacie threw up once and I had to deal with the rest? This is a first for both Stacie and myself, we have never thrown up from too much alcohol. No good.

4. Did you know that if you down a bottle of cold water, 20 minutes later, when it comes back up it's still cold?

5. I believe that if Stacie and I didn't throw up I would have been so hung-over. I really wasn't, I just downed a bunch of coffee and then gator aid and I was good to go.

Its nice to see my friend Stacie every once and a while but I'm pretty sure she wont be back for a few months or so. The thought of beer or liquor makes me want to gag.

A Few Things I've Learned

1. Kayaking is fun

2. Cell phones don't enjoy Kayaking as much as I do. Well, at least not when they are in a plastic grocery bag in a cooler with melting ice.

3. Cell phones that did not enjoy their trip down the river in a plastic bag in a cooler with melting ice rebel and refuse to work. Each in their own way. One may not receive or send calls while the other may refuse to stay on once you open or close it.

4. Kayaking can lead to some NASTY feminine complications.

5. When tween-agers attack your vehicle with shaving cream, silly string, cotton balls, toilet paper and plastic grocery bags it can be funny.

6. The parents of the tweens my not find it as funny and for some reason that makes it more funny (to me).

7. When the tweens apologize for their vandalism in front of their parents don't say, "that's OK, I thought it was funny." Apparently, that sort of statement hinders the discipline process.